Honestly...

I have no idea what I'm doing. I never thought moving to a new place would be this great and this shitty at the same time. I like my apartment. I enjoy living here alone. But I can't sleep at night still. I wake up every couple hours and feel tired as hell the next day.

I don't mind not knowing anybody. I don't mind sitting alone all day watching television or visiting tourist attractions alone. But I hate the idea of forcing myself to make friends because its what people expect. Though it would be nice to have something to do or someone to go places with. I guess I'm just scared to get shot down for friendship.

And I thought I didn't mind being far away from the one I love. I thought I finally was comfortable enough to not do something drastic. But again, I think I was wrong. I feel like it's one-sided emotionally here. I'm always the one bringing up visits, or missing him, or the future. GOD DAMNIT I'M THE ONE WHOSE ALONE AND SCARED SO YOU SHOULD BE TELLING ME THIS STUFF TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER.

This is stupid. Stupid stupid. Everything about this place is great, and I'm sure once classes start, I'll meet people and be busy enough not to care if I don't. But how will I keep the motivation to carry on this relationship if he can't switch from close relationship to long-distance.

I think I need some space.