I haven't written in a while. I've been really busy, but tonight I just thought I would type a little something for good measure.
I religiously read PostSecret every Sunday and LGMH every night before bed. Judge away. I've always been a sucker for love stories, even the really super cheesy ones that make me laugh because they're so bad. And PostSecret lets me know that everyone is struggling with something inside their head that they're not letting on about. Even if I don't know their name or gender or anything about them really, I KNOW them on a deeper level because they told me a secret.
So here's my PostSecret #1: I almost passed up my full ride to Denver for you but
decided that following my dreams was more important. I'm
still convincing myself I made the right decision.
Honestly, I've always been terrible with goodbyes. It started when I was only two or three years old, when my brother and sister would leave for college. I didn't understand, so I would always run away and hide, refusing to say goodbye (because in my mind, they wouldn't leave until they said goodbye). I learned the hard way that's not always the case. And to this day, saying goodbye is the hardest thing. It's not that I cry or get really sad or lonely, I just...can't do it right. Three down, more to go.
Cheers!
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Thursday, August 26, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
Eat. Pray. Love. But not necessarily in that order.
So I just got back from seeing the new Julia Roberts movie. It was a long one, and at times I really wished things would just move along, BUT I blame the fact that we went late at night because overall, I really loved the movie. For several reasons in fact.
1. She traveled to Italy. It made me fall in love with the country and its culture all over again. I wanted to be back there, where I didn't understand a word anyone said, everything I saw and did was fascinating, and the food was to die for. Oh yeah, and gelato. Hah. It's so different over there. People love and live freely, which is something that comes rarely here in America. All the more reason to marry a foreign man. Sigh.
2. It was raw. This wasn't your typical "my life sucks, oh wait now its better cause I have a man" movie. She was hurt. She had to make rough decisions that she regretted for months after. She prayed when she didn't know how. She picked up her life and just went somewhere. There were a lot of tears, but they were real happiness or sadness. I like learning about people's lives.
3. It made me realize that it's stupid to sit around and wait. You have to DO something with your time. And I don't mean you have to be busy, but you must appreciate and want to be where you are. Don't hold back because of someone else. Live for you, which is something I have always struggled with. The little voice that always says "But you'll be so far away from him" or "What happens once you graduate and he has a job?" are being told to shut up. And are replaced with thoughts of "You are going to a beautiful city that you've never been to before and are going to learn about something you love to do so that one day you will be great at what you love doing."
So, yeah, this movie makes you think. It puts things into perspective. And it doesn't push religion or anything else on you. It just...gives you a smack in the noggin that says WAKE UP, WHAT ARE YOU DOING. Gotta love movies that make you live stronger.
Cheers & G'night!
1. She traveled to Italy. It made me fall in love with the country and its culture all over again. I wanted to be back there, where I didn't understand a word anyone said, everything I saw and did was fascinating, and the food was to die for. Oh yeah, and gelato. Hah. It's so different over there. People love and live freely, which is something that comes rarely here in America. All the more reason to marry a foreign man. Sigh.
2. It was raw. This wasn't your typical "my life sucks, oh wait now its better cause I have a man" movie. She was hurt. She had to make rough decisions that she regretted for months after. She prayed when she didn't know how. She picked up her life and just went somewhere. There were a lot of tears, but they were real happiness or sadness. I like learning about people's lives.
3. It made me realize that it's stupid to sit around and wait. You have to DO something with your time. And I don't mean you have to be busy, but you must appreciate and want to be where you are. Don't hold back because of someone else. Live for you, which is something I have always struggled with. The little voice that always says "But you'll be so far away from him" or "What happens once you graduate and he has a job?" are being told to shut up. And are replaced with thoughts of "You are going to a beautiful city that you've never been to before and are going to learn about something you love to do so that one day you will be great at what you love doing."
So, yeah, this movie makes you think. It puts things into perspective. And it doesn't push religion or anything else on you. It just...gives you a smack in the noggin that says WAKE UP, WHAT ARE YOU DOING. Gotta love movies that make you live stronger.
Cheers & G'night!
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
The Thin Line
A lot of things have been changing recently, not just in my life, but in the lives of so many people around me. Some have been good, while others have been devastating. Some making people stronger, while some making people ask why. It makes me look at my life, reevaluate my relationships with family and friends.
I'm not sure I ever really thought about marriage and what I wanted until it seemed like everyone was thinking about it. I guess when you date someone for as long as I have, people naturally wonder when you're going to get engaged. But why? I'm only 22 years old, do I really need to be worried about getting a ring before we hit the five year mark? Is that a new law or something? What if I don't want to leave for grad school with a ring? What if I want the freedom to be me when I start a new life in Colorado? I'm not saying I'm going to break up with him, or cheat on him, but it still is nice to know that I'm not tied to something so far away. Some couple naturally fall into place, same high school, same college, same hometown, etc that easily allows them to stay together. It's not that simple for us. We're going to have to work really hard to keep our relationship strong, and I can't tell you whether I can do that or not until I'm forced to.
But then, watching all these couple get engaged that have only been dating MONTHS or even just a year or so, it seems silly, insulting, frustrating, embarrassing that I'm not engaged yet. Why not? Is it because he doesn't want to marry me? Or he can't afford the ring? Or he's in no hurry because he knows that I won't leave him? WHY. And then suddenly, I want to be engaged. But not because I want to be married anytime soon, I don't want that. But because I want to know that he wants to marry me. Wants to make sure that he doesn't lose me when I go to Denver. Something.
So really, in the end, I don't know what I want. I know what society and the people around me want me to feel, but I haven't made that decision on my own yet. It sucks trying to be the adult: acting like I'm not jealous, pretending to be happy for a couple that I am secretly wishing impending divorce on, giving the illusion that I'm okay with moving more than 1000 miles away from the person I love, and happy even though we'll be apart for two years because he won't find a job near me. My nonchalant responses to people's reaction of our LONG distance relationship will eventually wane and someone, somewhere will get the full monty of emotion.
Enough bitching. In the overall scheme of things, are my relationship woes that heavy? No. I have a coworker who just lost his dad in the most awful way possible. He should be bitching. He unfortunately earned that right. And for now, I'll worry about him and his family instead and let fate takes its course.
Cheers.
I'm not sure I ever really thought about marriage and what I wanted until it seemed like everyone was thinking about it. I guess when you date someone for as long as I have, people naturally wonder when you're going to get engaged. But why? I'm only 22 years old, do I really need to be worried about getting a ring before we hit the five year mark? Is that a new law or something? What if I don't want to leave for grad school with a ring? What if I want the freedom to be me when I start a new life in Colorado? I'm not saying I'm going to break up with him, or cheat on him, but it still is nice to know that I'm not tied to something so far away. Some couple naturally fall into place, same high school, same college, same hometown, etc that easily allows them to stay together. It's not that simple for us. We're going to have to work really hard to keep our relationship strong, and I can't tell you whether I can do that or not until I'm forced to.
But then, watching all these couple get engaged that have only been dating MONTHS or even just a year or so, it seems silly, insulting, frustrating, embarrassing that I'm not engaged yet. Why not? Is it because he doesn't want to marry me? Or he can't afford the ring? Or he's in no hurry because he knows that I won't leave him? WHY. And then suddenly, I want to be engaged. But not because I want to be married anytime soon, I don't want that. But because I want to know that he wants to marry me. Wants to make sure that he doesn't lose me when I go to Denver. Something.
So really, in the end, I don't know what I want. I know what society and the people around me want me to feel, but I haven't made that decision on my own yet. It sucks trying to be the adult: acting like I'm not jealous, pretending to be happy for a couple that I am secretly wishing impending divorce on, giving the illusion that I'm okay with moving more than 1000 miles away from the person I love, and happy even though we'll be apart for two years because he won't find a job near me. My nonchalant responses to people's reaction of our LONG distance relationship will eventually wane and someone, somewhere will get the full monty of emotion.
Enough bitching. In the overall scheme of things, are my relationship woes that heavy? No. I have a coworker who just lost his dad in the most awful way possible. He should be bitching. He unfortunately earned that right. And for now, I'll worry about him and his family instead and let fate takes its course.
Cheers.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Lucky Number 9.5
Yesterday was Sunday and my weigh in day for Weight Watchers. I lost another 1.2 lbs last week which puts me up to 9.5 lbs total weight loss. And since I've been craving a pizza since I first saw those dippable pizza commercials from Pizza hut, I decided I earned a little reward for my hard work. I ordered a small pizza from Dominoes, and completely nommed the whole thing. Kinda gross, but whatever. 30 points later, I felt that I had demolished my pizza craving.
Later that night, a few friends and I went to go see Charlie St. Cloud (paying a whopping $9.50). And let me tell you, it was not worth it. I figured it was going to be a cute little film since Disney heartthrob Zac Efron was in it, but it was faaaaar worse than that. It was like a mixture between a Lifetime movie for kids and a Disney channel inspirational movie, perhaps because of the awkward, dark semi-sex scene in a cemetery with a dead girl. Dialogue: cheesy. Plot: Predictable. Tears: Too many and too CGIed. I rate it a definite waste of two hours.
Shit, I forgot to pull the Tater Tor casserole from the freezer. I hate thawing things... Guess its Turkey Burgers for dinner. Haha.
I'm just waiting for Friday to come along so I can get myself to Ohio. Just waiting.
Cheers!
Later that night, a few friends and I went to go see Charlie St. Cloud (paying a whopping $9.50). And let me tell you, it was not worth it. I figured it was going to be a cute little film since Disney heartthrob Zac Efron was in it, but it was faaaaar worse than that. It was like a mixture between a Lifetime movie for kids and a Disney channel inspirational movie, perhaps because of the awkward, dark semi-sex scene in a cemetery with a dead girl. Dialogue: cheesy. Plot: Predictable. Tears: Too many and too CGIed. I rate it a definite waste of two hours.
Shit, I forgot to pull the Tater Tor casserole from the freezer. I hate thawing things... Guess its Turkey Burgers for dinner. Haha.
I'm just waiting for Friday to come along so I can get myself to Ohio. Just waiting.
Cheers!
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